i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
