im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
