Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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