He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
