dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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