You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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