So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
