My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
