youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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