That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
