I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize