ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
