she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
