I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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