There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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