The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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