he puts the penis in happiness.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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