what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
