to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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