How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
