At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
