Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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