i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
