He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your penis caused this!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
