piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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