Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
