My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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