Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
