I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
