I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
