he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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