You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize