i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
