So drunk its hurt
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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