I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
