ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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