at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
