she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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