So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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