He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
