My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
