She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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