Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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