Well apparently he's into motor boating.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
