Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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