So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no, he came in my armpit
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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