i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
