Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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