i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
