omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
