Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
