So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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