Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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