Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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