Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
