When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
