I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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