I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
