woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize