every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
