So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
