She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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