is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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