hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
