I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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