the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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