Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize