: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize