So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
