So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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