I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
