Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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