I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
