Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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