very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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