so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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